Lessons from a Friday Night at Tesco

  1. If you absolutely must wear leather-look leggings (and I don't condone this at all, but some of you out there seem to find them irrisistable), for the love of God, wear a thong. Or, since you're pretty much baring it all anyway, don't wear underpants at all. But what you mustn't, mustn't do, is wear panties that dig into the blubber on your bum, because everyone else can see it.
  2. It's unfortunate, but painting your lips a paler colour than the rest of your face doesn't look pretty, or even edgy and cool; it just makes you look like a corpse.
  3. There's only one sort of man who will wear a canary-yellow jumper over a collared shirt (with baggy cords, no less, and patent-leather shoes): the man who wants to be seen as more successful than he actually is. The canary colour is his way of being weekend-y and "playful"--his concession to fun whilst still trying to prove that he's too good at his job to ever really go off-duty. He's probably going to play golf tomorrow. In the same jumper. Avoid him.
  4. If you're the manager of the store, don't hold an impromptu gathering of staff in front of the doors while students are queueing all the way to the back of the store trying to buy as much Jacob's Creek as they can before closing time. It makes it hard to leave. Or enter. And it kind of makes it look like you don't really care about your customers. Just saying.