Office jobs make me feel fat.

I am very much NOT fat, and I do know this. But there’s some piece of my psyche that says: sitting on your bum for 8 hours straight (ok, getting up to pee once or twice) simply cannot be healthy. Of course, the only real alternative to this (at least, that I’ve found) is hospitality work, and the constant movement and tray-carrying tends to exhaust me.

What, oh what, is the solution here??

In other news, I’ve been feeling especially anxious lately. Why? Lord knows.

The only reason I can tell that I’m anxious at all is the mild, constant nausea-feeling, occasional head-spinning, the exhaustion. Physical symptoms of something that’s so psychologically hidden, I don’t know where to find it! I’m quite excited about everything, and not especially worried, as far as I know, so wherefore this feeling comes from puzzles me. I suspect it’s to do with impending CHANGE, coupled with that last big academic push.

I gave some sort of presentation of my thesis (as it stands now, it’s hardly a complete project, of course) the other morning (rather classically, I was late to my own presentation). It seemed to go well, indicating that at the end of this all, they will not decide to withhold my diploma based at least on the outcome of my project.

Am struggling with the idea of credibility, however. Howard Gardner & George Lakoff BOTH say, essentially, that the integrity between your worldview and your actions is THE THING; that is, it’s paramount if you want to effect change, change minds, gain a following, gain an audience. I think I’m honest enough. That’s not so much the issue. The issue is that Lakoff, anyway, only thinks that the connection must SEEM to have integrity. (Which is obviously how politicians—Lakoff cites Reagan as a sparkling example of this kind of earnest connection—can manage to seem both two-faced and authentic over the course of a term)

Isn’t SEEMING TO HAVE INTEGRITY sort of silly, if you think hard enough about it?